Monday now. It feels brand new. Finally, the windows are open! There is lower humidity and a cool breeze!! For three days I was having pandemic deja vu! Is that how that’s spelled? Dunno? Anyway, I was just in my apartment mostly with the windows closed and the air conditioning running. A sealed environment against the oppressive humidity.
I saw the hawk!! It was right when I opened the window and sat down! It was in flight! Its wings spread out and swooping up towards a tree branch. Beautiful!! That was lucky!
A bout of insomnia visited me last night. Man oh man! Thinking and thinking. What to do, what to do. On and on into the wee hours. The shadows were so riled up all clamoring for attention. What I’ve finally begun to notice quite clearly is that this happens when my mind is about to fall asleep or about to wake up. It’s in an in between space in time.
The practice is to say “Oh? Hello”. Then ask a few questions, like what’s going on? Say things like, I hear you, it’s okay, nothing is wrong, we’re safe, there’s nothing to worry about, you can relax, I’m going to sleep.
If the negative thoughts begin to be about a particular person I say to myself, yes, I know, let’s just leave it be for now, I’m going to sleep.
This is not an easy practice. Using breath work is a very helpful tool in this endeavor. Breathe in slowly, like four or five counts. Then pause. Exhale slowly and steadily for a longer count. Try for a six or seven count. Pause. Repeat. See how many cycles you can do. Maybe let a smile come to your face on the exhale. Say to yourself, I am safe, I am in my own body, I am comfortable. Let me know how it goes.
Now here I am enjoying the morning air and the drama unfolding out the window. Hawks and crows. There is a playful breeze and nice cloud formations moving across the sky. The coffee is strong and sweet.
I have fresh energy to get myself moving. I made a list. There’s always plenty to do. Tomorrow I go back to work taking care of Mr. Hank. This month I have three days on, four off.
Now I can hear the hawk. Some crows have started in bothering it. I’m grateful. Especially to be alive and sober. For these challenging times in this place at this moment. This too shall pass.
I suppose I should find a picture to accompany this post. Hang on a sec. BRB.
Spinster Life 