There were a few Blue Jays out there on the tall evergreen just now. I almost didn’t see them. As it was, I only caught a glimpse before they flew away.
At the time I was working the puzzles. I have a specific order that I do them in. First the WORDLE, then the mini crossword. Then that darned Connections! I rarely get it. Anyway, I use them to get my brain revved up a bit. The Spelling Bee is the most useful to that end. I don’t pay attention much to my stats. I’m not competitive about it. It’s just a practice for my brain.
I have some work today. I need to get going here pretty soon. The coffee is good. A little stronger than usual.
Five after eight now. There is blue sky this morning with a soft chiffon cloud cover. Here and there a contrail. Jets passing over. Jet Blue jets carrying folks to their holidays.
I slept well. My dreams seem just out of reach. Lately it seems that I have been dreaming a whole other life. The scenes seem like ordinary days in a life. When I wake up it’s as if I was somewhere else entirely living a different life. Nothing extraordinary.
It’s interesting. The dreams. In my waking life someone has betrayed my trust so shockingly that perhaps I am … ? Hmmmm, something on the edge of my thoughts. Anyway, the betrayal is a real thing. It happened last week. I’m sitting with the excruciating discomfort and disappointment of it. Actually it’s not so excruciating as it was at first. Just wait, don’t react and these things soften.
I have consulted the wise ones. I have been practicing Tonglen breathing around the issue whenever it starts to get hot in my mind. I’m staying way from the epicenter.
Still, there is some spinning around what to do. How to find peace and continue.
More will be revealed. Show up sober and be of good cheer. That’s what my first sponsor suggested. I try to do that. Sometimes moment by moment.
So, I’m up to start another day. I am extremely grateful to be alive and sober. For this quiet morning. To have seen the Blue Jays. For a cup of strong coffee and plenty to eat. For wise counsel and the willingness to show up.
Spinster Life 