I had a thought.

I forgot what I wanted to say. Whatever it was, it came to me while I was driving. It occurred to me to ask Siri to make a note. Then I thought, nah, I’ll remember. Now the next day, I have no idea? I know it was brilliant though.

Here’s a picture of me when I was just born. A cousin had it. Look at my little bean head!!

Yesterday was heavy heart day for me. I just couldn’t shake it.

I take care of this dog now. A few weeks every month. I go to his house and we hang out. We look out the window. We take walks. We play keep away in the yard. We loll in the sun. I read or work the crossword. He relaxes or eats hibiscus flowers that have dropped. Sometimes a fly or a bee will catch his attention. We’re friends.

That was weeks ago when I started writing this. Since then we have had snow and rain and subzero temperatures.

Christmas is a week away. I have done nothing. That’s not entirely true. I’ve had “thoughts” about what to do. I started fooling around with some photographs to make into a collage. The software is so clunky that I gave up. I usually make a collage holiday card. Maybe later today?

I have everything here to make the spritz cookies. Another thing that I usually do. Maybe later this weekend?

I started cleaning out the small bedroom. That was last week. I keep thinking that I should make it nice in case I have company. Or at least make it nice in case I want to go in there and take a nap.

My heart is just heavy. I’m moving slowly. I’m sticking to my constant practices and not making any commitments beyond those that earn money. It seems like a time to hunker down and gather myself around myself. There is chaotic energy flying around out in the world.

So what if I just stay close to home? I am incredibly grateful to be alive and sober. I’m grateful for this apartment in this place. I’m grateful for the heat coming up, for a cup of coffee, for some English muffins in the fridge and eggs to fry. I’m grateful for swimming at the Y and walks with my neighbor. We saw the coyote the other day. That was amazing!