What if in order to feed myself I had to fly straight into a swarm of gnats? This is what occurred to me yesterday. Lying on the daybed in the den late on Saturday afternoon. Through the window I watched as huge swarms of gnats buffeted by the breeze moved like those huge flocks of birds forming beautiful moving shapes. Some birds sat on the edge of the roof waiting for the right moment. Then suddenly launching themselves into the swarm. I imagine beaks open to catch a mouthful. Such faith in their own ability that I was in awe.
There’s a playlist that I made to celebrate my seventieth birthday. Old Beach Boys, Don’t Worry Baby and Van Morrison’s, Into the Mystic. Sade and Bruce Springsteen. Some new music too. Ben Howard singing, Keep your Head Up, Keep Your Heart Strong. Anyway, I love it! All those songs. Turn it up loud and dance around in your pajamas.
Lately the weather in my mind has improved. I’m feeling pretty “well”. A little more work and an upcoming training all contribute a sense of purpose. Also, I broke my addiction to social media!! Phew! The hardest thing to do is persevere during the storms. That existential anxiety can really grab me. I’ve talked about that before. That’s why practice is so crucial. Just keep to your practices. I generally make a cup of coffee and work some puzzles. Write long hand in a journal. Don’t labor it. Just write every day. Finish with a gratitude list and a prayer. Get up and put on some music. Make the bed. Make some food. Just keep moving. Day by day.
☮️🙏🏻🦋
Spinster Life 