Today would have been the 52nd birthday of a man that almost killed me. I say that from this distance of time.
I loved him hard. Something in me cracked wide open during that drama. It was more than twenty years ago. He’s gone now. Died by his own hand in the throes of some tortured delusion. I’m so sorry. He was brilliant and troubled. Of course. My favorite drug.
Time and distance was the only thing that could save me. I went far down. His magnetic field was powerful.
Lots of trudging a rutted road.
Here I am sitting my beautiful park on a beautiful day. In my actual life. Grateful for all of it.
I started this remembrance over a week ago. It was when I actually remembered it would have been his birthday. Some birthdays from long ago we remember. Phone numbers too. Only the long ago phone numbers. Like from grade school. I could barely tell you my phone number now. Or anyone elses. Which is it? Else’s or elses?
It’s beautiful here. I mean really glorious. I took some photos.
Anyway, I was out here walking and for a change talking on the phone to someone in California. An old pal. Our friendship is much older than that thing with that guy. Some people travel the length of our lives with us. Others pop in, make a mess and steal away in the night. I keep myself moving along a path of uncovering and discovering.
Practice pausing, stop poking any bears, notice the here and now, know that gratitude brings grace. 🦋☮️
Spinster Life 